So, I've decided to create an honest to blog post today... I'm never one to blog in that much depth, other than the few rants on twitter about petty things! Since someone that was supposed to be my friend had leaked my tweets that I had said out of anger or hurt and twisted them out of context to my ex and other people I had fallen out with, I've bottled everything up- every single negative feeling I had, I never dared shared it with anyone, resulting in on-going panic attacks, and it's saddening that it's made me such a slave to my emotions.
I decided to write about my big move away from the family home, because I would rather type away how I'm feeling so that it's all out in the open than bother people about my worries and such.
I have been saving my money every week for the past 5 months of employment towards a new place, and now, I have now put down a deposit for a flat near to my work. When I asked to move in, I was understandly excited at first, I was like yes, this is what I need towards independence and freedom, and possibly more opportunities towards me and my business to flourish the way I want it to. But I've also have had worries about leaving home for the first time properly... I lived away for a year whilst I was at Uni, but now I'm moving away for good, I worry about the added responsibility on myself, what if I decide to take a day off work and because of this I can't feed myself properly next week? What if I lose my job one day and I can't afford to keep up with the rent? What if I don't get along with my flatmates and end up more miserable than when I was at home? How will my parent's react when I tell them I'm moving out really soon? All these things I worry about constantly, and make me question whether or not I'm actually ready to move out, because of my lack of self-confidence and esteem, and just the fact that I don't believe in myself!
But then I do think that it's because of the fact that I've had such a sheltered upbringing that makes me hesitant to try new things or do things that are slightly out of my comfort zone. I also realise that my naivety gets the better of me, so I don't want to run around with rose-tinted specs, but how else will I get confident and gain some self-belief again? Moving out on your own is the best thing that could happen to anyone, and I think this could really change me to be a better person and better my relationship with my family. Plus, I'm 23, I don't want to be "that girl near her mid-twenties who still lives at home" and I want to be able to have people over without having spying eyes watching us. And someone once said that I needed to make myself happy before I can make anyone else happy, and moving out into the big bad world is the only thing I can think of, right now.
I do look forward to the new adventures that are coming my way, and I look forward to how much happiness will be in my life once I've moved and settled into a place of my own. :)
If anyone has reached the end of this post, thank you so much!
It's sad to read that you lack self-confidence and esteem because I find you so inspiring and just reading your blogs + seeing what you create is having such a huge impact on me. All the best with your move. x
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, thank you sooo much for your response, it's so lovely to know that you benefit from it :). I've always been a cautious optimist, but I know that once I've moved away, my confidence will be at an all-time high! xo
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